diff --git a/bin/gifme b/bin/gifme
index 7fc00ed7..db43e450 100755
--- a/bin/gifme
+++ b/bin/gifme
@@ -3,20 +3,20 @@
 # GIF ME
 # as in: "GIF ME AN ANIMATED GIF, DAMMIT"
 #
-# Use imagemagick to make an animated gif of awesome. Upload to CloudApp.
+# Use imagemagick to make an animated gif of awesome. Upload to photos.natwelch.com.
 #
 # Examples:
 #
 #   gifme ~/Desktop/rtomayko.png ~/Desktop/pimpcane.jpg
 #   gifme ~/IncriminatingPhotosOfKyle/*.jpg
 
+set -e
+
 output="$HOME/Desktop/animated.gif"
 
 # Set delay to be 20 unless we set $DELAY
 delay=${DELAY-20}
 
-convert -verbose -delay "$delay" -loop 0 -resize 500 -layers OptimizeTransparency \
-  "$@" "$output"
+magick -delay "$delay" -loop 0 "$@" -resize 500 -layers OptimizeTransparency "$output"
 
-# comment out if you don't need CloudApp.
-cloudapp "$output"
+photo "$output"
diff --git a/bin/photo b/bin/photo
new file mode 100755
index 00000000..466f853b
--- /dev/null
+++ b/bin/photo
@@ -0,0 +1,37 @@
+#!/usr/bin/env bash
+#
+# Upload images to photos.natwelch.com and print their URLs.
+#
+# Examples:
+#
+#   photo ~/Desktop/cat.jpg
+#   photo ~/Desktop/*.png
+
+set -euo pipefail
+
+if [ $# -eq 0 ]; then
+  echo "usage: photo FILE..." >&2
+  exit 1
+fi
+
+args=()
+for f in "$@"; do
+  f=${f//\\/\\\\}
+  args+=(-F "photo=@\"${f//\"/\\\"}\"")
+done
+
+body=$(curl -sS --fail-with-body "${args[@]}" https://photos.natwelch.com/api/upload) || {
+  jq -r '.message // empty' <<<"$body" >&2
+  exit 1
+}
+urls=$(jq -r '.files[].url' <<<"$body")
+
+if [ -z "$urls" ]; then
+  echo "photo: nothing uploaded, only image files are accepted" >&2
+  exit 1
+fi
+
+printf '%s\n' "$urls"
+if command -v pbcopy >/dev/null; then
+  printf '%s' "$urls" | pbcopy
+fi
diff --git a/bin/video b/bin/video
new file mode 100755
index 00000000..2250ddba
--- /dev/null
+++ b/bin/video
@@ -0,0 +1,34 @@
+#!/usr/bin/env bash
+#
+# Upload videos to videos.natwelch.com and print their watch URLs. Each URL
+# works once the background WebM conversion finishes.
+#
+# Examples:
+#
+#   video ~/Desktop/demo.mov
+#   video ~/Movies/*.mp4
+
+set -euo pipefail
+
+if [ $# -eq 0 ]; then
+  echo "usage: video FILE..." >&2
+  exit 1
+fi
+
+args=()
+for f in "$@"; do
+  f=${f//\\/\\\\}
+  args+=(-F "video=@\"${f//\"/\\\"}\"")
+done
+
+body=$(curl -sS --fail-with-body "${args[@]}" https://videos.natwelch.com/api/upload) || {
+  jq -r '.message // empty' <<<"$body" >&2
+  exit 1
+}
+year=$(date -u +%Y)
+urls=$(jq -r --arg year "$year" '.jobs[] | "https://videos.natwelch.com/videos/\($year)/\(.id | sub("\\.[^.]+$"; "")).webm"' <<<"$body")
+
+printf '%s\n' "$urls"
+if command -v pbcopy >/dev/null; then
+  printf '%s' "$urls" | pbcopy
+fi